Andy Hutchins
Sweat's the technique, don't sweat the technique.

There is a song on will.i.am’s #willpower featuring apl.de.ap and 2NE1. If it is bad, I will be stunned.

Before I forget:

On Tuesday night, a roommate got out a tray of Bagel Bites, preheated the oven, and then went to his room and fell asleep around 9. Another roommate noted the oven being on and turned it off, but the tray of Bagel Bites was still there when I got back from trivia at about 1.

On Wednesday night, the same roommate put a pizza in the oven around midnight, then went to his room and fell asleep with the TV on. I was up, and heard the oven go off, but I wasn’t going to deal with the pizza beyond turning off the oven if I could help it, so I tried knocking on his door: Nothing. I then pulled the pizza out of the oven, cut it up, had some of it, threw the rest in the fridge, wrote a note saying the pizza had burned and I threw it out, and left it for that roommate.

I would feel guilty about this, except for the fact that literally the first thing that roommate did on Thursday morning was make another pizza, this one successfully, and for … everything else he does and has done?

(Pictured: The nonwhite audience at a Jeff Dunham show.)

Magazines I Read As A Kid & What They Taught Me

katherinestasaph:

rachael-maddux:

Highlights: Reading is fun!

Ranger Rick: Nature is cute! Mazes suck.

National Geographic: Nature is fucking terrifying! In some countries ladies don’t wear shirts and their boobies are weird!

American Girl: Girls are awesome! You are awesome! You can do anything! History is awesome! Nazis are a thing! Also: DOLLS!

Zillions: Ads lie! You should get a job even though you are 11!

Reader’s Digest: You are going to die in some HORRIBLY OBSCURE WAY after being misdiagnosed by several medical professionals! Also, kids say funny things! But seriously you’re going to die, that headache might be a tumor, here’s a knock-knock joke and 100 things your doctor isn’t telling you. Wait, what? Is it cancer? Well, no. But probably. But also ha ha this man’s grandson did this cute thing once, something something avocados almonds diet tips cholesterol death.

My life in magazines was always pretty pronounced:

Highlights: Oh fuck, I’m Goofus!

Ranger Rick: Oh fuck, I’m killing the environment!

American Girl: Oh fuck, I still need to take all my assorted detritus out of my old Kirsten’s Real Life 1850s Periwinkle Blue Chest! (Tangent: Based on everything I know about nostalgia, there is NO WAY I was the only kid who picked Kirsten because she lived in the Oregon Trail era. My sister was Samantha, obviously, considering she looked and acted just like her.)

Zillions: Oh fuck, corporate bullshit!

Reader’s Digest: Oh fuck, I’m totally skipping half these articles for the quick filler at the end! I hope no publisher ever catches onto this!

Plus:

Muse: Oh fuck, I’m totally never going to actually see all the Kokopelli comic guys appear in this magazine and will end up buying the book at age 24 out of some misguided nostalgia!

Disney Adventures and Nickelodeon Magazine: Oh fuck, I don’t know what half these shows are! And yet here I am holding a magazine that is 65% locked out from me! Couldn’t be on purpose!

YM: Oh fuck, I haven’t had a summer fling yet and I’m ONLY 14 and these kids are ONLY 15! I have one year! (It would take longer than one year.)

CosmoGIRL: Oh fuck, I’m not enough of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl as this magazine clearly wants me to be! 

Seventeen: Oh fuck, this isn’t actually as uniquely grown up as I was promised (because I was one of those kids who thought you had to be 17 to read it, like it was an R-rated movie or something)

Teen: Oh fuck, there’s no actual content in this!

Sassy: Oh fuck, I never actually got to read this!

Highlights: Gallant and Goofus are equally stupid.

Zillions: This is not as good as Consumer Reports.

Sports Illustrated For Kids: You are being pandered to.

Newsweek: Much of the world is fucked up, but at least Anna Quindlen is good and George Will uses interesting words.

TIME: Much of the world is fucked up, and why does Charles Krauthammer have an op-ed?

Consumer Reports: I would like to read you forever.

Side note: At 11, in 2001, I wondered what the covers of Newsweek and TIME would have on them when I read the issues that reached our mailbox on Tuesday, September 11. I had other, far less dorky reactions to 9/11, but I distinctly remember thinking about that on that day.

Because I don’t want to write this on Twitter and deal with that shitstorm there: Louisville’s Kevin Ware suffered one of the most horrifying injuries in the history of sports today. It is a significant event with incredible news value, and there are many compelling reasons to cover it in full, including the curation of video and GIFs of the moment. Choosing not to cover it in full is an admirable and decent thing to do; choosing to cover it in full is no less admirable and decent, so long as it is done honestly and carefully.

But documentation of significantly more horrific things than an athlete’s injury is done and distributed on a daily basis by news outlets the world over. There are many things that are legitimately triggering to many, many millions of people that are broadcast or printed without a second thought. But as soon as an athlete gets hurt in horrific fashion in a prominent moment, and reminds the world that sports are, in fact, dangerous, thousands, if not millions, of American sports fans will cape up to protect the imagined innocence and wonder of sports. I wish that sincere pushback for what is considered decent were directed as fiercely at other things.

Goddamn it, I just got tricked into listening to a minute of nerdcore because I actually click links on Facebook.